I recently read a book called "What Alice Forgot". Alice hits her head at the gym, and when she wakes up at the hospital, she cannot recall the last 10 years of her life. And as she slowly pieces things together, she's not too happy with who she turned out to be. The book is interesting, emotional. It got me thinking, what if that happened to me?
10 years ago I was just fourteen years old, a month shy of turning fifteen and getting ready to begin my sophomore year of high school. I wanted to be a nurse or a teacher. I played softball and field hockey, dabbled in pastoral ministry. Got along with everyone but hung out with the theatre kids. Had no idea where I wanted to go to college, but was hoping to go to a small school out of state. I listened to bands like Something Corporate and Yellowcard but also 50 cent and Eminem. Totally thought I was meant to be with this guy.
I think my 14 year old self would be just shocked to hear that I only talk to three people from high school. That I had a really, really difficult college experience. That I work for a hospice managing volunteers. That I have lost so many people close to me that it's hard to keep track.
But overall, I really don't think I'd be that surprised. Mercy is still very much a part of my life. I still wear my heart on my sleeve and care very deeply for other people. I still listen to a mixture of alternative rock and hip hop music. I don't think I have changed much. I think I'd be pretty happy to hear how I turned out at this age. I still have so much growing up to do, I'm still young and have a lot to learn. When people older than me hear about some of the things I have dealt with or gone through they tell me I've been through a lot at a young age. I have, but I don't always see it that way...maybe because I also count my blessings, and I know there are millions of people who have it had 10x harder than I have.
I know I need to slow down and enjoy the time to be a 24 year old. I know I put too much pressure on myself to please other people and then leave myself exhausted and drained. I've always been this way. But I have to stop, because if I want to give people the best of me I have to feel my best. And I can't possibly feel my best when I am doing way too many things at once. As the kids say these days, YOLO.
So this weekend is going to be about moi. Besides, you know, Sandcastles training. But I am going to take it slow with that, and not starting my volunteering until the fall. Anyways, tonight I'll have dinner with my sister. Tomorrow I'll see a movie with Alex. Sunday I'll rest, write, and have coffee with a friend, hang out with the Carters. Just have some time to do what I want to do.
I hope you all find time to do the same. And I know this blog post started off much differently than it ended. Sorry. Let's get it back. If you erased the last 10 years of your life, would you be shocked to learn what those 10 years have been like?